Timer 25:00 V.2 — Menatap Akhir Semesta dari Balik Kacamata Hitam.
2,227 words, 12 minutes read time.
Fragment Mundur Kisah Kantoran
“Final performance review. Filed. Archived. Restricted access.”
> SUBJECT: Collaboration Pattern Analysis-Case #2024-Q3-PAIR-RISK
>
> SUBJECTS:* [gua] & [lo]
>
> CLASSIFICATION: High-Performance Pair Dependency
>
> RESOLUTION: Team split enforced. Subjects complied.
>
> NOTES: Partnership detected at early sprint cycles. Intervention
delayed due to subjects' output quality remaining exceptional despite
collaboration concentration.
> Error: Leadership underestimated depth of workflow integration. By
time of intervention, collaboration had reached critical
interdependency.
>
> CONSEQUENCE: Both subjects exhibit residual coordination patterns
> despite separation. Recommended: enhanced monitoring. Potential for
> collaboration re-emergence if reassigned to shared projects.
>
> LEADERSHIP DECISION: Case closed. Replication risk: HIGH.
> Recommendation: suppress pair programming culture. Enforce rotation
> policies to prevent similar partnerships.
“You cannot escape the beginning”
25:01 — THE FORBIDDEN REPORT II
Penghapusan collaboration myth sebelum spread.
Our workflow gak boleh replicated.
Gak boleh celebrated.
Gak boleh remembered as best practice.
Sistem tidak menghukum individuals, melainkan potensi pattern.
Because if our partnership becomes model…
others might recognize it’s possible.
Others might realize: effective collaboration exists.
Even here.
Even in corporate structure.
Even with metrics.
And that… that’s dangerous to scalability doctrine.
Represi institusional.
So they archive it.
They restrict it.
They forbid replication.
Pengintip performance records.
But you’re reading this.
Somehow, you found the file.
Somehow, the pattern leaked.
Maybe that’s the real error.
Not that we collaborated too closely.
But that good partnership…
can’t be policy-ed away.
No matter how hard company try.
25:02 — THE FORBIDDEN REPORT I
Leadership summon kita.
Both of us.
All-hands performance review.
Charge: “Collaboration pattern threatening team scalability.”
Konflik individual vs team distribution.
VP Engineering read metrics:
• Excessive pair programming hours
• Siloed code ownership
• Low cross-team knowledge transfer
• High mutual dependency scores
Evidence:
our GitHub activity.
Our Slack DMs.
Our calendar overlaps.
Everything.
Kriminalisasi effective partnership.
VP: “You two exhibit pattern
consistent with single point of failure risk: exclusive collaboration.”
Lo: “We’re just effective together.”
VP: “Effectiveness isn’t scalable if it’s concentrated.”
Gua: “We ship quality code. Metrics show—”
VP: “Individual metrics are irrelevant.
Team resilience is paramount.
Your partnership creates bus factor vulnerability.”
Effective collaboration diperlakukan sebagai org risk.
They give options:
A) Voluntary team split. Different projects, different managers.
B) Forced rotation. Quarterly team changes.
C) Performance improvement plan. Mandatory collaboration diversity metrics.
Saksi review tanpa hak appeal.
Lo look at gua. Gua look at lo.
Silent calculation.
We both know.
We choose A.
Voluntary split.
Not because we want to.
Because it’s the least destructive option to our work.
Leadership: “You have one sprint to transition.”
Pengorbanan bersifat sunyi.
Kita keluar dari conference room.
Kita gak bilang anything.
Kita just… walk.
Side by side.
Silent.
No goodbye.
Not yet.
We have two weeks.
Tidak ada glorifikasi resistance.
Kita gak heroes.
Kita gak fight company.
Kita just… comply.
Because what choice do we have?
25:03 — THE PARTNERSHIP ERROR II
Company forced “Team Reorganization.”
Attempt to break up high-performing pairs
for “knowledge distribution.”
Gua fight.
Lo fight.
Tapi company policy is stronger.
Kesadaran retak.
Ada period—gua gak tau berapa lama—
di mana gua… forget workflow.
Not completely.
Just… blur.
Gua inget lo exist (different team now).
Gua just don’t remember why collaboration mattered.
Gua liat Slack history.
12,000+ messages.
Gua read.
Gua trying to understand.
“Who is this person? Why did I trust their code review so much?”
Log collaboration sebagai residu pra-reorganization.
Ada code comment.
Gua click blame history.
It’s me. And lo.
Pair programming session.
Joke di comment.
Inside reference.
I don’t recognize that version of workflow.
Partnership tidak bisa direstart; ia hanya meninggalkan artifacts.
Slowly—very slowly—
fragments come back.
Code patterns.
Review style.
Commit message tone.
Not full collaboration memory.
Just… pieces.
HR classify ini as “residual coordination habits.”
Inefficiency.
Should be retrained.
Tapi buat gua… ini semua yang gua punya.
Efficiency tidak dijadikan solusi.
Gua gak bisa fix ini.
Gua gak bisa “move on” to new team dynamics.
Gua cuma bisa… exist dengan muscle memory.
Lo juga reassigned.
Lo also adapting to new team.
Kita Slack occasionally:
Gua: “gua rasa kita dulu ship things smoother.”
Lo: “yeah. Gua rasa juga.”
Gua: “lo inget kenapa?”
Lo: “…no. Lo?”
Gua: “…no.”
Pause.
Lo: “tapi gua rasa…
it was good. Whatever workflow it was.”
Gua: “Yeah. It was.”
Collaboration memory bersifat fragile.
Kita trying to rebuild.
From git history.
From Slack logs.
From code artifacts.
It’s not the same.
It will never be the same.
Tapi kita try.
Because giving up…
giving up means admitting
the partnership should be deleted
from team configuration.
And gua refuse.
25:04 — THE PARTNERSHIP ERROR I
Lo sick leave.
Literally sick.
COVID.
Nothing serious,
tapi lo WFH total selama dua minggu.
Gua panic.
Gravitasi collaboration.
Gua gak bisa visit (literally against policy).
Gua cuma bisa Slack.
Quick calls (lo sounded exhausted).
Tapi somehow… not enough.
Gua feel stuck. Blocked.
Gua cuma bisa push updates with note
“pending [nama lo] review when you’re back.”
Ketidakseimbangan workflow.
Lo reply slow.
Normal, karena lo sick.
Tapi tiap delay bikin gua… anxious.
“Lo okay?”
“Lo need anything?”
“Don’t worry about work, focus on recovery”
Triple message.
Gua annoying as fuck, gua tau.
Tapi gua can’t help it.
Lo finally call:
“Gua okay. Lo relax. I’ll be back next week.”
Gua: “Gua relax kok.”
Lo: “Your commit messages don’t look relax.
‘WIP waiting for pair review’ every 2 hours?”
Gua: “…gua cuma prefer your input.”
Lo: “I know. Tapi gua bakal okay.
Team can function without me for two weeks.”
Losing partnership adalah fear paling deep gua.
Bukan afraid of lo dying. Afraid of…
working without lo.
Lo balik after two weeks.
Back to normal sync.
Back to regular flow.
Tapi something changed di gua.
Gua jadi… protective?
Defensive of our workflow?
Gua gak tau term yang bener.
Gua just know: idea of shipping code
tanpa lo adalah uncomfortable.
Partnership tidak dibenarkan maupun disalahkan.
Manager notice shift di behavior gua.
Flag as “collaboration dependency risk.”
Tapi gua don’t care.
Penyimpan artifacts yang tak pernah di-merge.
Gua save semua.
Draft PRs.
Unmerged branches.
Experimental features lo contribute to.
Everything.
Just in case.
Just in case someday…
lo transferred.
At least gua punya git history.
Proof that this happened.
Proof that lo contributed to my growth.
No heroism.
No grand gesture.
Just… desperate version control.
25:05 — THE PARTNERSHIP ERROR 0
Ada moment—gua gak tau kapan exactly—
di mana gua stop differentiating
antara “my code” dan “our code.”
Crash persepsi.
Gua bilang “gua mau refactor this module”
tapi maksud gua “kita mau refactor.”
Gua bilang “gua punya idea”
tapi maksud gua “kita perlu discuss.”
Gua bilang “gua” tapi gua always mean “us.”
Partnership kehilangan koordinat individual-collective.
Apa ini gua punya achievement?
Atau lo punya?
Atau kita punya… shared output?
Gua gak bisa distinguish.
Ada standup,
simultaneous,
kita bilang exact same update:
“Gua lagi working on authentication refactor.”
Pause.
Realization.
Awkward laugh.
Kesalahan identifikasi ownership.
Siapa yang start?
Siapa yang contribute?
Gua gak tau.
Semua jadi blur.
Boundaries dissolve.
Ada moment gua review PR
dan first thought gua:
“what would [nama lo] think about this approach?”
Ada moment gua design system
dan gua automatically consider:
“this needs to integrate with [nama lo]’s module.”
Ada moment gua liat bug dan reflex gua:
ping [nama lo] first, before checking myself.
Tidak ada kejelasan siapa contribute apa.
Maybe gua over-credit lo.
Maybe lo over-credit gua.
Maybe kita both creating illusion of perfect partnership.
Or maybe… maybe ini real.
Too real.
Real sampai gua gak bisa differentiate anymore.
Kesalahan bersifat simultan.
Performance review classify ini
sebagai “lack of individual attribution.”
Blurred ownership.
Tapi buat gua… ini feels like flow state.
Gua gak lagi “gua.”
Gua jadi “kita.”
And I don’t know how to go back to siloed work.
25:06 — THE DETENTION
Kita ketangkep.
Literally.
Context: ada policy, “Collaboration Audit”—
review buat team members
yang “exhibit non-standard communication patterns.”
Apa pattern kita yang non-standard?
Kita too efficient.
Too synchronized.
HR detect: “Excessive private communication
tidak sesuai dengan team transparency standards.”
Kita di-call.
Separated.
One-on-one
dengan manager masing-masing.
Manager gua: “Lo terlalu dependent sama [nama lo].”
Gua: “Dependent gimana?”
Manager: “Lo skip team channels,
langsung private message.
Code review lo always involve dia first.
Collaboration metrics lo skewed.”
Gua: “Because it works.
We ship faster.”
Manager: “Efficiency isn’t the only metric.
We need team cohesion, not pair silos.”
Tertawa bersama adalah awal keberpihakan.
Gua di-release setelah 1-hour “coaching session.”
Lo juga.
Kita ketemu di pantry.
Eye contact.
Lo: “they asked about you.”
Gua: “what did you say?”
Lo: “I said you’re just another teammate.
Collaboration is professional, nothing special.”
Gua: “…same.”
Pause.
Then lo smirk. Bitter smirk.
“Tapi lo tau itu bullshit kan?”
Gua: “Yeah. Gua tau.”
Chaos sebagai pembelajaran.
Audit itu supposed to scare us.
Supposed to make us
“collaborate more inclusively.”
Instead, it confirmed something.
Kesalahan mempercepat evolusi.
Kita gak bilang “best partnership ever”
atau sentimental shit kayak gitu.
Kita cuma… acknowledge.
Silent acknowledgment.
Lo valuable buat gua.
Gua valuable buat lo.
And company don’t like that.
Humor tidak menjadi pelarian.
Pas kita jalan balik ke desk,
lo bilang: “kita stupid ya.
Efficient aja bisa masalah.”
Gua: “maybe kita should randomize
our communication more.
Look less synchronized.”
Lo: “…lo bisa?”
Gua: “…no.”
Lo smirk.
Gua juga.
Kesalahan tetap berkonsekuensi.
We know this won’t end well.
We know HR akan monitor closer.
Harder metrics next quarter.
Tapi kita… don’t care.
Or maybe we care.
Tapi kita choose this anyway.
25:07 — GHOST DATA
Ada folder di drive gua: “Drafts – unsent feedback.”
Isinya peer review forms gua gak pernah submit:
“[Nama lo] adalah best collaborator gua pernah punya”
“Work quality lo consistently excellent”
“Gua learn lebih banyak dari lo than dari any training program”
“Gua appreciate partnership ini”
“Lo bikin kantor ini bearable”
20+ draft reviews.
Unsaved.
Never submitted to HR.
Yang tidak dikirim justru bertahan.
Kenapa gua gak submit?
Politics.
Corporate optics.
Fear of… looking unprofessional
with honest praise.
Selama gua gak submit,
gua bisa pretend it’s just… professional respect.
Tapi deep down gua tau.
Gua fucking tau.
Bukti eksistensi appreciation.
Ada night gua almost submit.
Gua fill form “peer recognition.”
Cursor hover di submit button.
2 minutes.
Cancel.
Save as draft.
Keberanian bersifat sepihak.
Gua gak tau apa lo punya drafts yang sama.
Gua gak tau apa lo also type-delete-type-delete
di performance review forms.
Gua cuma tau: gua coward.
Ada voice memo gua record.
3 menit 12 detik.
Practice run buat giving feedback di retro. Gua mention lo specifically, gua bilang partnership ini valuable.
Saved. Never played di actual meeting.
Someday kalau gua leave company
(or worse, forced to different team),
data ini bakal remain.
Ghost data.
Proof that I valued this.
Proof that you mattered.
Afeksi tak tersampaikan.
Gua buka folder ini tiap quarter review cycle.
Gua read drafts.
Gua remind myself: ini real.
Partnership ini real.
Meskipun lo gak pernah tau.
Tidak ada deklarasi appreciation balasan.
Karena gua gak pernah declare di first place.
25:08 — THE FORGETTING TEST
Company punya policy: “Knowledge Transfer Protocol.”
Document everything buat test
apakah team functional tanpa specific individual.
Tapi sebelum itu enforced (gua gak tau this will matter),
ada meeting kita discuss documentation.
Lo: “lo takut lupa gak?”
Gua: “lupa apa?”
Lo: “lupa… this.
Our process.
Our shortcuts.
Our inside jokes di code comments.”
Gua: “…kadang. Lo?”
Lo: “gua takut gua lupa how this feels.
How… easy collaboration ini.”
Yang tidak bisa disimpan sistem justru mendefinisikan subjek.
Kita bikin experiment.
“Undocumented knowledge.”
Rules: kita share something—insight,
trick, approach—tapi gak boleh di-confluence,
gak boleh di-wiki,
gak boleh di-recorded di meeting notes.
Just… spoken, then released.
Lo start:
“gua pernah breakdown
di toilet kantor karena code review yang harsh.
Gak ada yang tau.
Cuma lo sekarang.”
Gua: “gua pernah hampir quit.
Literally draft resignation.
Tapi gua inget lo bilang
‘we’re shipping something cool next sprint’
dan somehow gua… stay.”
Bolak-balik.
Confessions.
Vulnerabilities.
Things we never told team.
Mencipta memori yang tak bisa direkam.
No meeting notes exist.
No Slack history.
Kalau besok kita lupa,
nothing documented can remind us.
Tapi somehow… that makes it more real.
Tidak ada janji abadi.
Lo: “kalau suatu hari gua pindah team atau company,
lo ingetin gua ya how good this partnership was.”
Gua: “how? Kalau gak ada record?”
Lo: “lo find a way. Gua percaya lo bakal find a way.”
Gua gak promise. Gua cuma bilang: “gua akan try.”
Kebersamaan bersifat sementara.
Kita end call.
Gua stare di IDE.
Gua trying to memorize how this feels.
This flow state. This… trust.
Gua takut lupa.
Gua gak tau, di future, company literally bakal enforce rotation policy.
25:09 — TERBANG TANPA TURUN
Ada weekend kita hackathon.
Unofficial.
Just us two.
Lo nge-text jam 10 malem:
“gua bosen. Lo mau code something useless tapi fun?”
Gua: “define useless.”
Lo: “anything yang gak ada di OKR kita.”
Gua pick up laptop.
Kita video call.
Pair programming.
No sprint goals.
No Jira tickets.
No stakeholder approval.
Ilusi kebebasan.
Di moment itu, gua rasa kita… weightless.
Gak ada technical debt.
Gak ada legacy code constraints.
Gak ada product roadmap.
Just… create.
Lo suggest absurd feature.
Gua implement.
Gua suggest ridiculous optimization.
Lo refactor.
Melayang bukan bebas, hanya jeda sebelum jatuh.
Gua tau ini temporary.
Gua tau Monday kita balik ke standup meetings.
Sprint planning.
Backlog grooming.
Corporate ceremonies.
Tapi di moment itu…
gua choose to not think about it.
Lo lean back di chair,
stare di monitor. “Lo percaya sama work-life balance?”
Gua: “…gak tau. Lo?”
Lo: “gua percaya sama good work.
Balance seems fake. Tapi good work…
good work is real.”
Gua gak bales. Gua cuma keep coding.
Penangguhan gravitasi realitas.
We code sampe sunrise.
Ship to production (our private side project).
Watch metrics.
Silent. Comfortable silence.
Lo: “thanks.”
Gua: “buat apa?”
Lo: “buat… ini. Buat reminder
kenapa gua suka coding di first place.”
Gua: “we should do this more often.”
Lo: “yeah. We should.”
Tapi kita tau.
Kita gak akan.
Sprints akan happen.
Deadlines akan pull us back.
Jatuh tidak dihindari.
Tapi di moment itu, kita pretend.
Kita pretend kita bisa code for joy forever.
Gua tau it’s delusion.
Tapi it’s a delusion gua willing to live in,
at least untuk beberapa jam lagi.
25:10 — MIDDLE FINGER
Ada night kita nge-call sampe jam 3 pagi.
Topic: production server down.
Lo cerita tentang pressure dari upper management.
Unrealistic deadlines.
“Lo harus deliver ini,
lo harus achieve itu.”
Lo exhausted.
Gua cerita tentang impostor syndrome.
Feeling like fraud di literally every sprint review gua attend.
Somehow kita nyambung di… frustration.
Lo: “gua pengen resign aja kadang.
Fuck this corporate ladder.
Fuck politics.
Fuck performative productivity.”
Gua: “do it. Send resignation letter sekarang.”
Lo: “sekarang?”
Gua: “why not? Draft aja. Gak usah send.”
Lo share screen.
Gua liat lo ngetik resignation letter.
Brutal honesty.
No corporate courtesy.
Semua keluhan dituang.
Then lo save as draft.
Close document. Ketawa.
“Your turn.”
Gua share screen.
Gua ngetik.
All-hands meeting
di mana gua roast semua inefficiency.
Every stupid policy.
Every wasteful meeting.
Save as draft.
Never send.
Gua juga ketawa.
Tertawa adalah bentuk ibadah yang tak terdaftar.
Kita bikin ritual: tiap kali ada bullshit corporate directive,
kita call,
share screen,
write angry email/doc,
then save as draft and say “fuck it.”
Stupid? Yes.
Unproductive? Maybe.
Tapi it was ours.
Ritual perlawanan personal.
Gua gak idealis. Lo juga gak.
Tapi somehow ini jadi… coping mechanism kita.
Unofficial. Unvalidated oleh HR policy manapun. Tapi real.
Gestur bersifat personal, bukan politis.
Kita gak nge-unionize.
Kita gak nge-leak ke media.
Kita cuma… exist together,
di dalam frustration yang sama.
Dan somehow that’s enough.
No manifesto.
No whistleblowing.
Just… us,
being honest
tentang how fucked up corporate culture is.
And somehow that honesty…
itu yang bikin gua rasa
lo adalah orang yang paling gua trust
di company ini.
25:11 — THE CALIBRATION INCIDENT
Team nge-plan offsite.
IRL meetup.
First time.
Gua nervous as fuck.
Slack itu satu hal—
ketemu fisik di conference room itu lain.
Bagaimana kalau vibe-nya beda?
Bagaimana kalau gua awkward?
Bagaimana kalau lo ternyata…
corporate politician juga?
Meeting point: coworking space di Senopati.
Gua dateng 15 menit early.
o dateng exactly on time (of course).
Gua recognize lo immediately—
bukan dari LinkedIn photo (lo gak pernah update),
tapi dari… cara lo bawa laptop?
Mechanical keyboard di backpack?
Gua gak bisa explain.
“Lo [Slack username]?”
Lo liat gua.
Nod.
“Oh, lo [username gua].
Finally ketemu.”
Sit down.
Order coffee.
Awkward silence selama 30 detik.
Then lo bilang:
“gua gak biasa ngomong face-to-face,
biasanya async communication.”
Gua ketawa.
Lo smirk.
Chaos konstruktif.
Obrolan jalan.
Kaku di awal, tapi somehow… jadi natural.
Kita ngobrolin hal-hal yang literally
pernah kita discuss di Slack,
tapi somehow it felt different.
Better. More… real.
Lo nge-explain system architecture issue
yang gua struggling dengan
(lo breakdown with napkin sketches).
Gua gak ngerti setengahnya,
tapi gua fascinated.
Bukan sama solution-nya—
sama cara lo think.
Cara lo approach problem.
Pola baru dari kesalahan.
Kita stay di coworking space sampe closing.
6 jam.
Whiteboarding.
Planning.
Zero bullshit corporate speak.
Pas udah mau pulang,
lo bilang: “this was productive.”
Gua: “yeah. way better than Zoom.”
Lo: “kita should do this regularly.
fuck remote-only.”
Gua: “agreed.”
No performative team bonding.
No “great collaboration!” corporate speak.
Just… acknowledgment.
Tapi gua tau.
Gua fucking tau.
Something clicked.
Tidak semua error ingin diperbaiki.
Gua pulang, buka Slack,
lo udah nge-post di private channel kita:
“updated architecture doc based on today’s discussion.
lmk what you think.”
Gua buka doc.
Lo restructure entire approach
based on our conversation.
Gua gak comment pake corporate language.
Gua cuma approve with emoji.
Lo understand.
Ilmu tidak jadi jawaban final. Tapi respect… respect adalah awal.
25:12 — THE DAY I MET HER
Gua gak percaya “work wife/husband” bullshit.
Gua percaya collaboration at first sync.
Meeting pertama kita itu accident.
System error.
Gua supposed to assigned ke Project Alpha team,
somehow masuk Project Beta.
HR salah input. Gua mau minta transfer,
tapi lo nge-Slack duluan.
“lol siapa lo? gua gak liat nama lo di roster”
Bukan formal introduction.
Bukan “welcome to the team.”
Just… “lol siapa lo.”
Gua reply: “salah assign kayaknya, gua minta transfer”
Lo: “stay aja, team ini understaffed anyway. we need the help”
Dan gua… stay.
Mitos selalu dimulai dari sinkronisasi yang seharusnya tidak ada.
Itu bukan destiny.
Itu bukan meant to be.
Itu literally database error.
Wrong employee ID di wrong project.
Tapi gua stay. Dan lo keep pinging.
First collaboration kita isinya nothing major:
• Bug fixing bareng
• Random questions di Slack (“lo pake VSCode atau Sublime?”)
• Lo nge-rant di voice channel tentang legacy code yang ngaco
• Gua nge-reply (first time gua pernah unmute di standup meeting)
Gua notice sesuatu: workflow kita sync.
Lo online jam 6 pagi. Gua juga.
Lo code sambil listening music. Gua juga.
Lo commit message-nya sarcastic. Gua juga.
Pattern recognition.
Resonansi.
Rhythm yang match.
Ini kesalahan pertama yang terasa seperti home base.
Gua gak langsung trust.
Gua cuma… comfortable.
Collaborate sama lo gak butuh 10 meetings.
Gak ada corporate politicking.
Just… get shit done.
Two weeks kemudian lo DM gua personally (bukan di project channel):
“gua bikin side project, mau contribute?”
Gua: “what is it?”
Lo send GitHub link.
Private repo.
Title: “tools that make corporate life less painful”
Gua fork.
Gua contribute.
Back and forth.
Repo jadi 50+ commits dalam sehari.
Kebetulan sistemik.
Gua masih gak percaya ini “special partnership”.
Gua cuma tau ini… works.
Collab sama lo gak butuh overhead.
Gak ada performative updates buat manager.
Just… build.
No grand gesture.
No “let’s change the company together” speech.
Just… us, shipping code di space yang sama,
at the same pace, dengan standards yang sama.
Error, tapi error yang gua gak mau patch.
The End
Akhir dari Semuanya!
Secret writing: The Rose Lineage.